by Nadiya Kobzar
I have to confess that I’m scared. And I’m not as strong as I try to seem.
I’ve taken the role of the head of the family now. Because we are abroad and only I speak English. I’m dealing with all the documents. I’m solving all the problems. I’ve been doing everything everywhere, if we need to speak, I do. I’ve arranged for school for my younger sister. I deal with all questions connected with our transportation. I’ve made appointments with a doctor for my family.
Actually, I feel responsibility all the time. My mom and sister are sometimes very sad about what’s going on in Ukraine. And I have to calm them. I have to be a person they could rely on. Sometimes I think that I don’t have any rights to be in a bad mood. I can stop hiding my emotions only at nights, when my mom and sister don’t see me crying.
I have to confess that sometimes I feel angry about it. I know that it’s not my mother’s or my sister’s fault, but I wasn’t ready to be the head of the family. I don’t know what to do even with my life or future. But I have to take care and be responsible for my mom and sister. Sometimes, it seems impossible to keep calm and support my family when I’m terrified even more than they are. But I have to deal with it.
It was my confession. And tomorrow I’ll wake up and act like nothing happened. I’ll act like I’m not scared, like I’m strong enough. I’ll do it again.
