This question has been following me for the last 444 days. What associations does the word “home” evoke in you? My system 1 unconscious is telling me that it is indeed an orange brick house.
Wikipedia says “A home is a place of residence”, but is it true?
Once, I asked myself in a dream, where is my home now?
And I woke up in the basement. Rockets were flying overhead. The neighbors were fussing around. All my thoughts were in a whirlwind. “Is this my home?” I thought.
This was not how I had imagined it the last time I was driving home after work. But all I could do at that moment was think. And that’s the first element, the first particle of our imagination – a thought.
THOUGHTS
In order not to get a panic attack during the next siren, I started thinking, remembering, and imagining.
Close your eyes for a minute, and imagine a pleasant family holiday. Mom is putting holiday treats on the table. Dad is circling Mom. Somewhere nearby a brother or sister is on the phone. It’s pleasantly silent outside. You look out of the window and there is such an ordinary, but such dear Darnytsia (everyone from Troyeshchyna or DVRZ will forgive me).
During that first week in the basement, the “thinking” process saved me. Because what could not be seen can always be imagined, and no one can take it away from us. Thought is a powerful thing. Sometimes I wondered how I could remember where everything was in the apartment down to the smallest detail, but over time you realize that it is not fashionable to take away something that is already a part of you. Even if one night a missile strike smashes the windows of your house: the real one, and later your own, so carefully built.
PEOPLE
Does everyone remember how quickly Ukrainians collected money for the Bayraktars? In 2-3 days. And it’s not just because of the war. It’s the people. A single nation united for one idea. This is what is in the blood. And I am already a part of it.
Over the past 444 days, I’ve managed to change 7 countries, and 3 universities and meet people, of course, but what people!
Have you ever worried that you are constantly running somewhere and often changing your social circle?
When I was a kid, no one explained to me that it’s normal for friends to change frequently, for some people to leave and others to take their places. And the main thing in all this is not the amount of time spent with these people, but what you managed to do together. It sounds trite, but it’s true.
I have been in the US for 9 months now. What can be native here? Of course, there are 5 other Ukrainians with me at the university. People who are on a wave of mutual consent. It’s when we open a fundraiser for the Armed Forces, yes. Making a presentation of Marichka’s term paper the night before her defence is not very good, but technically, yes. Why not? When you have your people around you, you just want to say, “Thank you, I feel at home.” I no longer need to go anywhere, to run away.
I am already at home.
ACTIONS
I once posted a video on TikTok from Washington DC, and it went viral because the topic was somewhat sensitive. One man who was playing the anthems of different countries at the White House refused to play the Ukrainian anthem, demonstrating a hostile attitude. I immediately realized what was going on. I edited a video of the situation. Of course, it spread online quite quickly.
The comments were different: “Patriots of Ukraine in the USA”, “How did you help Ukraine while staying in the US” etc.
Well, for a second I thought I was a traitor for leaving my home, he was right. Reading comments from random haters is a bad idea. But we are all vulnerable sometimes. At such moments, you rethink your existence a bit and discover some new values, look at yourself differently, and ask yourself a lot of questions.
However, I am on my front all this time, I am at home with my heart and brain. I’m part of something bigger, part of a whole nation, and that keeps me moving. Wherever I am. In my thoughts, words, and actions. Donating to the Armed Forces, volunteering, and just learning and talking about Ukraine. There is no size in such a case. But there is a sense, a great sense.
If one day you hear the song “The thing is That I Have No Home” in your head, it is more likely to be temporary.
Sometimes it may seem that you miss your parents’ home in Darnytsia or Troyeshchyna, the noisy and bustling Kontraktova with its Friday parties, but it’s simple. You don’t need to look for a home. Home is you.
And my home is me now. Because I have these three components. I have the best people around me, when they are around, I think about the good things, about the good times that were once and that can be, and for this, I act. Little by little. Every day. Step by step to victory – my and ours.
by Mariia Hlyten
